A Rainy Day in Buffalo

The heavy fog and clouds above make it difficult to leave the driveway. I got out of the house, but not quite the car out of the neighborhood. I’m just sitting at the base of the driveway looking out at the street. Desperately wishing for the looming rain notifications on my phone to disappear. Impossible. The research has been done, fortunately, on the gloomiest cities in the country. Good God, to think about the assholes who had to devout their lives to that garbage research. Those sorry guys and gals put Buffalo, New York, at one of the cloudiest cities in the nation. As someone who’s lived on the outskirts my entire life, I can confirm this seems to be true. It has gone so far as to affect my psychology. I wish it wouldn’t have, but years of this shit will do some damage. Having an altered perspective on life to begin with, this has led me to feel a need to vent. Consider this an open letter to society and the world at large.

            I did finally get out of the neighborhood. I was tempted to indulge in my inner lust for McDonald’s nearby, but ultimately forced myself away and into the city. This wasn’t necessarily a mistake, but not the best decision given my struggling lack of funds and half-empty gas tank. The decision was made, the die was cast, and I was to venture into Buffalo. It didn’t take too long driving down Elmwood before I sniffed out a pair of golden arches and caved. Two hamburgers. One for a dollar ninety-nine, the second for twenty-nine cents. Seems like a fair cop, all things considered. I feel as though there was a time when the hamburger was on the dollar menu. You could get two for less than this damn “deal” they have running on the app nowadays. I have no shame in my use of the McDonald’s mobile app. These days, a man will have to do more to get his dollar to stretch. The view from the parking lot down in this section of the city is grimy. Adjacent to a Home Depot and some other various fast-food restaurants, and a grocery store.

            That’s a big part of my issue with the weather. It makes everything look gross and overused. In an area with even a few trees and many passersby, with the sun shining, you’d appreciate the garbage tracking under your tires a little bit; however, when the rain is pouring and there’s nothing but clouds overhead, that trash seems to shine a little brighter. And not like the sun, more analogous to the noticeably pungent stink of sour milk standing out from the fridge. You know what I mean.

            The lady in McDonald’s was pleasant enough. A sweet old black lady. “How you doin’, honey?” is sometimes more than enough to make all that pessimistic nonsense about the weather dim down for a moment, if not a fleeting one.  I return to my car to eat. This is a ritual that brings me peace during the storm. Pop on a good song or two and devour. Simply the best. It’s a way to force myself out of the house despite my intense desire to hide in my bed away from the harsh realities before me. When the sun is out, it’s so much easier to get myself moving. A great walk before breakfast. Driving on the highway with the windows down. If I had the balls, I’d drive more like Cliff Booth, but I think it’s safe to say we won’t be seeing that sort of confidence anytime soon. When one wakes up to the pattering of rain and a darkness eerily similar to that of near nighttime, how can anything inspire movement? If anything, it’s a cry from God to stay put. Or at least that’s how I see it. A shout from the Heavens to beware the outdoors.

            I returned home not long ago, and from here I sit writing to you. I’ve been logging an un-Godly number of hours into Sid Meier’s Civilization VI, because I am too poor to afford the newest installment. I’m at a point with the game where I resent its sound effects and music. I cannot stand the thought of having to boot up another round of this stupid game. The days like today, once I return home from my drive through the various hoods of Buffalo and/or Niagara Falls (American side, obviously), I sit back down at my desk in my room and boot up the game and just grind it out for as long as my stomach can take. I’ll pop on some records or a movie to play in the background so I have something else to stimulate my brain other than clicking all the same damn buttons and mouse clicks all afternoon long. All this to say, today, I can’t bring myself to play anymore of it. I’ll have to settle for spewing my thoughts onto this shoddy Word document.

            So, what’s the point of it all? What’s the takeaway? I suppose there isn’t one, really. More of an observation of a moment in time that seems to exist more and more lately. I don’t believe I was meant to be in this particularly gray corner of the country. My brain requires more vitamin D on a regular basis, I cannot afford to be dipping in levels there. But to where? Perhaps a question to dive into on another occasion. New York City often calls my name when I do venture downstate. Who knows? Maybe God has determined that my path is to wither away here in the cold and wet Buffalo, New York. I sure hope not, but one wouldn’t mess with the Good Lord’s plans, whatever they may be. That’s all I got today. Be kind to one another. Watch a movie, good or bad. And if you’re anywhere near the sunshine and lack of clouds, suck up some of those rays for me and the other folks in need. It’s sunny somewhere.